Like when your class is learning about Rosa Parks [let's remind these little white kids who don't know better that blacks are inferior] and a white girl announces to the class, "Let's see...Who in here is BLACK?"
Like when your friends don't know better but ask, "How is THAT your MOM? She's white and YOOOOOU're BLACK."
Like when you love your white parents but really wish your parents had brown skin like yours...if for nothing but to feel like everyone else who has parents the same color as their own skin.
Like when you consider yourself a stepchild and call your mom your stepmom because your classmates make you feel like an illegitimate daughter of hers.
Like when your teachers want you to share with them about life in Africa but you'd rather just share with her about a funny incident that happened over the weekend.
Like when "being born in your mom's heart instead of her tummy" isn't exactly what you want to hear, when your other sister WAS born in your mom's tummy.
Like when you bring home a Thanksgiving project from school that asks for your parents to tell you about the special moment in which you were born and to give you an "Indian name" that fits the moment of your birth.
Like when people treat you as if you're dumb just because you have an accent.
Like when people treat you as some special, exotic person instead of just a plain ole' kid. [Black kids aren't more beautiful or cuter; they're just a different color.]
Like when you don't have a baby photo to share with the class.
So much of it just sucks...And I wish the whole world knew that. Or, at least the people my kids encounter. That would be a nice start.
21 comments:
Wow. Thank you so much for your honesty. It helps many of us who are around family/friends who adopt to think before we speak. Is there a book for us?! Seriously, thank you.
I AGREE!!!! Love homeschooling, but can't get away from it all the time. Right now we are in England....let me tell you- the stares we get in the US are nothing- here we are a REAL FREAK show- because we have "too many" kids- not even heard of here to have more than 2!!!! Oh well.....
Well, talk about a reality check!! And coming from deep in your heart.
I felt your post (I didn't know if "like" was appropriate) and know that I had to hold a big tear from coming out when I read it, and if it makes a difference; I'm a male, you know, one of those tough guys!
Thank you for sharing from your heart.
Our sweet friend--how it hurts. We too have had such pain and tears in our midst from careless comments and the wondering that it brings up. These comments are hurtful no matter if they originate from ignorance, cluelessness, or less often, agression--the hurt is very real. What is not real is what these comments suggest about you. You are not alone, honey,-- you are loved--you are a beloved daughter of King Jesus and of the Weimer Family and of our community!! I pray God will press this Truth on you whereever you go--that you would be bombarded with love and the truth of your preciousness.That God would make this a Spring that bubbles up from your heart.May you really experince that "He makes the broken-hearted well, and puts oil on their wounds". We pray that God will keep you from bitterness and that He will assure you that He IS your vindication--these comments do not just fall to the ground without God doing something about them. He is not deaf!! He has been right there listening with you. He will bring justice to you. This frees you to actually pray for those who's hearts are small--that God would enlargen them (we are doing alot of that lately too!!)--Praying for those who hurt us is one of those suprising "upside down/backwards" blessings of the kingdom. May God soothe your precious heart with the oil of His Presence --in all situations like this He is with you. Sweet B, another sings over you--the ONE who made you--the only one who's approval and speach can completely fill your precious heart--Jesus says to you,"Look at you! You are beautiful, my true love! Look at you! You are so beautiful! Your eyes are like doves! You are greatly loved. Love, Miss Gillian and the Tucker Family
oh i hate that!!!!!!!!!, i was also adoted and had alittle of that, no baby photo, ugh, praying for your clan!!!
WOW.. What an honest post. Lots to think of there,especially when considering a transracial adoption...
Thanks for this post! As we wait for our referral from South Africa, we're doing all we can to get ready, knowing that it's just a drop in the bucket! I read this article, posted on another blog (Spirit of Adoption - James127,blogspot.com) http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=787542&mode=print
and it was an eye opener! We're already a bi-racial family(Chinese/Mennonite), and yet I'm rarely uncomfortable. It really opened my eyes to my husband's view.
thank you for your post. I hope it opens others' eyes to how comments can hurt kids. The Bible tells us to guard our tongues. I find it especially true. We just moved to ND and stand out like a sore thumb. We were at Applebee's the other day, when someone stopped, looked at our son and said, "For cute, is he adopted? Look at his black skin." The most difficult for us, though, is when they look at my 4 year old daughter, who has been with us since almost birth and ask, "So where did she come from?" We will pray for you all as you deal with these hurtful comments.
Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry it has been hard. And you are right, some times it just stinks.
Love Gillian's comment and loving spirit.
Cris
My husband and I have been following your blog and reading about your journey! We will blessed just reading it. We have just started our process and our doing multiple fundraisers....I love the necklaces featured on your website. I wanted to share with you our blog address
http://5millionminus1.blogspot.com
We are selling homemade Ethiopia Christmas ornaments. We just wanted share in case you or anyone else you know would be interested. We will continue to pray for your journey as we hope you will for ours!
Thank you for sharing some of the reality that our kids have to face. It again reminds me that these are things I need to pray about now, before our daughter comes home to us and has to deal with. Blessings to you and yours as you live out the calling God has put on your lives as a family, unconventional, intentional, and definitely an encouragement for many others.
Thank you for this post! I have been asked some ignorant questions so I can only imagine how it will be when Bek is older. Hope all is well...saw your boys swimming at the Rec the other day. They are so sweet and polite!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Thank you for always being honest, Heidi. It's one of the reasons I really like reading what you've written. I hadn't thought about how hard adoption could be at times like the ones you've shared. I pray that God would heal the wounds from harmful words and protect your family from more.
Thanks for this. I recently wrote on this on my blog if you care to comment. I want to try to put myself in my kiddo's shoes. This post was great at helping me attempt to try to do that.
thanks for posting that. couldn't agree more
I think what people forget about adoption is that while some of the things "suck" there is plenty of things that are wonderful. My sister in law is 17 and was born in China, adopted at 2 mths old. She was thrown away for a cleft lip. She will tell you that adoption was the best thing to happen to her. That she has a family that loves her, that she may appear different but they don't see her from the outside but for the wonderful things she has inside. She taught her nieces and nephews that people are all equal and that differences are beautiful. She will tell you that being different may have "sucked" when she was little but being an individual person inside and out in todays world is a wonderful thing. With her adoption our lives were enriched. I could only hope that all adopted children and those around them can experience that feeling. After that is why their parents open their arms for them isn't it? They have all that love to give for those in need.
Being adopted isn't the problem so much as the sucky public school system environment.
We are struggling with similar things. Our son is 6 and is in a somewhat diverse class (1 adopted from china, 3 african-americans and 20 white kids). He HATES to be singled out, and has even proved to the white kids in his class that it isn't fun. He will take a situation that they do to him and make it relevant to them. However, we have had several conferences because he speaks his mind and stands up for the minority :).
He has been home 1 year and is trying to act like an american kid who was NOT ever from Africa. I am sure that at least one of your many can relate.
We have had many comments about our diverse family. We have 1 bio (white), 4 Ethiopian, 1 Guatemalan, 1 Indian, 1 Chinese, and 1 Mexican/American.
The funniest thing that has happened because of our diversity was when I had all my children playing in our front yard. A car went around the block 3 times then finally stopped. A man with a business suit got out and handed me a pamphlet for Insurance for MY HOME DAYCARE :). I just looked at the pamphlet then looked at him. I then handed the pamphlet back and told him I didn't need that insurance because these are my children.
By then all the children are gathered around giggling at the thought of 9 kids ages 4-15 being in a home daycare on a Wednesday morning. :) He was very embarassed and quickly got in the car and left.
I really wanted to say, "Can't you see the resemblance :)" or "Do you have insurance that will cover ALL our ER medical bills"
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